Over the past few months I’ve found that there is a trend in the kind of people I’ve grown to like. Finally, I was able to pinpoint exactly what that is: radiating humility. That is precisely it. I think the coolest people in the world are the ones who don’t have to show it off to others; they just are. Definitely. They just radiate humility. This phrase sort of seems like an oxymoron, but I feel like if someone is humble in their ways, it is very evident. Just in the way they hold themselves, talk, respond to others. Very gentle. Naturally cool. I like that shit. Here are the people I’m talkin’ about:

Hehe, I love this picture of you for some reason. Naturally cool. Naturally beautiful. You rock.

^^ Both of them. Too great.

Yee definitely Sammerth

Hehe. 

Amirite?

I feel so incredibly stressed and unsettled right now. School has never really been something I couldn’t handle, but this semester I am getting my ass absolutely handed to me. I feel so unsatisfied with myself, truly a disgusting feeling. It is so easy to get caught up in the anxiety associated with school and grades and lose perspective of what really matters in life, so I’ve decided to make a list of things I’m currently grateful for. There really is a lot to smile about, and it’s easy to forget that:

• My health and the health of my family and friends. After a severe family illness a year ago, the reality of how petty some things are smacked me right in the face. The important things are suddenly the only ones that matter. Everything that is trivial dissolves in the presence of this revelation. And right now, most all of my loved ones are in good health condition and happy for the most part. All is good. I am so blessed. 
• I have the most incredible friends in the world; from my life long best friends Morg and Linnea, to everyone who I have been grateful enough to meet this year at UA. They are so real and considerate and fun and hilarious. Some of the people I’ve met this year just astound me through their actions, accomplishments, and faith, and I feel myself growing into a better person through our friendships. I really couldn’t ask for a better group of people. 
• I’m working a full time job over the summer, and with one of my closest friends! 
• Fall 2k12 semester is looking beautiful. Two of my best friends and I have recently signed the lease to our house, and it is literally perfect. Just a cute little house in a nice neighborhood, close to campus, with great people. We have a bunch of fun things in store, including: 
  -A wall dedicated to all of our friends’ hilarious baby pictures. Including our own baby pictures photoshopped together to make it seem like we were chillin’ as babies. Hilarious.
  -A KITTEN! Named Gooby/Kevin :) And Liana wants to get a snake for her room. Ever seen a kitten and snake become best friends? Get ready.
  -Home. Cooked. Meals. Crock-pots and panini presses and popsicles. Home livin’ is going to be da life. 
  -Dance parties: black lights, disco music, lots of friends. Endless ragers. So fun.
  -PAINTING! We are painting over most of the atrocious colors of our house. I am just so excited.
  -Cross-stitched tweets. Right? We’ll be displaying some of the most hilarious tweets from inspiring celebs (ex: Kanye, Michael Jordan, etc. “I hate when I’m on a flight and I wake up with a water bottle next to me like oh great now I gotta be responsible for dis water bottle.”) They will be such a topic of conversation. Reel the friends in.
• My internship, which is one of the most fulfilling opportunities ever. As finals season has picked up, I haven’t put a lot of time in, but I’m looking forward to dedicating myself more next semester. Just witnessing some of the people who work at SBATA is an inspiration within itself. And on top of that, the refugees I work with have taught me so much through their stories of the past and the way they live their lives in the current. It really sets a lot of things in perspective and makes me value my life a whole lot more. So humbling. 
• I am so grateful that I had the chance to see so many of my favorite bands this past year. (Bon Iver, twice!) So many happy memories with good people enjoying tasty music. Tucson’s venues are unreal. Mmmmm.
• All of the beautiful photographs I was able to capture this year. It makes me so happy that people around my community entrust me with their family/couple/senior portraits. I have gained so much support from people around me. Everyone is so nice, and it is the best feeling in the world to make someone feel beautiful through their pictures. Gaaaawh
• Summer is almost here and I couldn’t be happier. I get to spend time with my mom and best friends and just reeeeeelax. This is happening. SOON.

Anyway. I’m alive and breathing and blessed, so all is well :) Feelin’ good. I hope everyone has a peaceful last week of school!  

dearoldlove:

I no longer search for you in crowded spaces or hope to get a catch-up call. I no longer bring you up in conversations or wish bad things upon you. I no longer have your old t-shirts or letters. All I have left is to wish you would leave my dreams alone.

dearoldlove:

Even though I know now that I never loved you, your text messages still make my head spin.

The only way I can see myself getting married is if it’s to someone who is exactly like Sufjan/is Sufjan. 

colorsandthekids:

Sufjan Stevens / Vesuvius

Sufjan, follow your heart
Follow the flame
Or fall on the floor

I know I’ll be telling you the full scoop when I get back to Phoenix, but I decided to post my list of reasons why he’s not right for me. And why he’s kind of a loser. A little. This was my “con” side of the list when I was deciding on whether or not she break up. SO EVIDENT. Lewsuh. 

Cons

1. You’re sort of clueless. You literally lack all common sense in social settings. You don’t “get it”
2. Yikes. You’re not that fun. You’re a great guy but shit I need some fun. Not even outgoing a little.
3. Hahaha these are all pretty shallow but, you’re not really cool. The kind of cool… Matt has. Or Cheman. Or Garrett. You know that cool, says cool stuff, knows how to carry himself, etc. 
4. We’re not really clicking anymore. I think we both know we’re drifting. I don’t think we’re right for each other. 
5. You either don’t get my humor or pretend not to get my humor or don’t think I’m funny. LINNEA THINKS IM FUNNY. You literally suck so much
6. {Goes hand in hand} Not witty. We don’t have witty banter. This is crucial.
7. You don’t have… very good taste in people. You’re favorite people just suck and I’m sorry. They aren’t cool or funny. I don’t want to hang out with Phil Tilson, he is the weirdest fucker ever. You sort of dated this one girl a while ago who is literally the dumbest bitch I know. I’m sorry. I’m being blunt. But I’m worried that you just have horrible perception
8. Yeah you’re music taste suckzzz
9. I don’t know if it’s cool or uncool to date someone 2 years older but you’re not a cool 21 year old. I think we’re on different levels of maturity. And I can admit that maybe you’re more mature in some areas but you have no fuuuun
10. I thought you were going to be this profound individual when I got to know you a lot better but you’re sort of just the same person on the surface as you are deeper down. Can’t have that. 
11. Not very relatable. We just haven’t gone through the same experiences, can’t blame ya
12. Kind of judgemental to people who aren’t on the same page as you/you aren’t on the same page as. Not everyone is going to live the same life as you and you just need to accept that. Get off your high horse ya dingus
13. Your hair at the beginning of the semester/up until we started dating was just atrocious and I can hardly stand looking at pictures of it. And you really want to grow your hair out again and I’m sorry but that was just horrible
14. YOU DONT SMELL DELICIOUS ALL THE TIME
15. I enjoy your brothers more than you most of the time so that’s just bad news
16. You’re sort of a little bitch. It’s your 21st birthday. Go out and get drunk. Drink a fucking beer. ONE GLASS OF WINE ON YOUR 21ST IS JUST BITCH STATUS IM SORRY. Plus you just never ever drink ever and I’m sorry but I just enjoy doing that from time to time because it’s fun and I laugh really hard with my bezt friendz so staaahp judging me
17. You’re a little sensitive :/ Man upppp
18. Yera n00b.
19. Risked my friendship with my best friend and roommate. God I’m dumb

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand yeah that about sums it up

I’ve really learned a lot about myself and relationships in the past few months. Which sounds a little naive because my last relationship only lasted a mere month, but I feel like I’m understanding things a little better now. And Linnea, I really really am sorry I haven’t given you the full scoop on the situation. You’re my best friend and I should have told you right away but I feel like I wasn’t really coming to terms with things with myself and talking about it brought back hurtful emotions. BUT, I promise I will tell you everything that is going on with me when I come home this summer. Everything. I feel like I have so many thoughts going on in my head that I’m just not letting out

But here I am right now with the situation: It still kind of hurts when I see you practically every other day, but I put on the toughest outer coat so you’d never know it. Even my roommate doesn’t know that I still get pretty down on it from time to time. I really just hate people seeing me vulnerable. And I don’t get sad because I wish we were still together (so many reasons why it was right for us to break up. so many), but it’s because I feel like I was really defeated by you. The breakup was fairly mutual but I feel like you got out of it on your high horse, and that is just eating away at me. I’m not sure if it’s my pride that is the issue here or there are some internal issues that I’m avoiding, but I feel sort of worthless. I feel like I didn’t get my say at the very end.  You got the last word, and I just went with it. I wish I would have stood up for myself. And now every last word you said is cutting into me more heavily every day. I don’t think you meant to be mean or condescending by the things you said, but the fact that I “didn’t meet your expectations,” “was too reserved,” “and disillusioned you” are now really coming back to me. Now I feel like I really live by all of those things, and that I’m just not good enough. I feel you’re better than me and I have been defeated. Those feelings really don’t go over well with me… I need my best friend here to lift me up a little, because right now I’m sittin here in the rut with my friend Moscato. WHATEVA

I just want to make sure I put this down in writing so I read it every time I’m on this tumblr and remember. I have such a knack for forgetting things I teach myself. 

I firmly believe that whether or not you believe in God, daily mass is just a good pure, wholesome thing for the soul. Daily mass, Monday through Friday, from 5:15-6:00 is a church full of only about 6 to 7 people. It’s quiet. It’s so comfortable. The moment I step into the Newman Center chapel for daily mass, I feel drowned in love. Sometimes the greatest part is just to watch and admire the old ladies and gentlemen in the first two rows who can hardly walk, kneel there in the pews, reflecting with such extreme hope in their eyes. God I love the elderly, especially the ones who have it all figured out; rather, the ones who know they have nothing figured out, and still approach the world with curiosity and the humility to admit that there is more to come. Being calm and curious is such a refreshing sight.

And I say that daily mass is good for all people, faithful or not, because from the past few months I’ve really learned how important it is to sit in a quiet room with just my thoughts and myself. No distractions. Whenever I feel caught up and super busy, I lose myself. And when I get the feeling of losing myself, I really freak the fuck out. Have you ever sat in bed and realized you know nothing about who you are? Sometimes all it takes is 45 minutes in a calm church to let go of everything and reevaluate your life. I am so blessed to have the Newman Center. So, so blessed.